The Spirit Of Valentines Day

Some people are critical of Christmas because we shouldn’t limit our love and generosity to once a year. We do, though. That shit is limited. My family generally ignore each other most of the year and that’s fine. Actually I hate all humanity except between late November and the moment someone gets injured at a Boxing Day Sale.

So let’s talk about Valentines Day. I hate it. There, we talked. I doubt that surprises anyone. I would be surprised if anyone doesn’t hate valentines day. Even among a tribe of girlfriends only one is going to win the February Boyfriend Olympics and the rest are left jealous and passive aggressive. You know you know those girls. I feel sorry for everyone in those situations. Because traditional romance an old burden we’re dragging around out of sentimentality.

Courtship seems quaint, right? Cute and fun. But if you think about it’s roots it’s actually insidious. It comes from a time when women had little control over there lives. They lived in their father’s house until they lived in their husband’s. Women had to choose between the men that presented themselves and gifts, dinners, romance-in-general was about winning the girl, making her like you. Now in this slightly more enlightened age where women have as much agency as men in picking romantic partners we can all just pick people we like, no trickery required. It seems a bit greedy to pick a guy because you love him and then be upset if he isn’t trying to win you over, but I get it. It’s nice to feel wanted.

The bigger problem with traditional romance is the traditional part. There was a Q debate about chivalry which brought up that people who believe in traditional gender roles are more likely to be domestically violent. That’s not really related to valentines day it’s just a fact that was rattling around my brain.

Really I just hate the shallow commercialism. I hate exploitive  sentiment marketing. I really despise being told how I’m supposed to act and what’s normal. Doesn’t everybody? When a radio ad tells you you’re a shitty boyfriend but hey Valentines Day is  a great time to buy a  diamond how is that not transparently insulting and greedy? And does coerced romance make anyone feel better? What’s the takeaway if someone demonstrates love just to adhere to social pressure? Real love isn’t scheduled and it isn’t about public displays. I hate that we live in a world with viral video proposals. Love is between two people, not two people and facebook. that’s just globalizing the tribe of jealous girlfriends.

With all that in mind I asked Simone if she’d like to do anything on valentines. And if she had said yes I’d do anything for her but she said “No, I love you everyday. Valentines Day is stupid.” There is such a thing as two people being right for each other.


Singer/songwriter, jerk.

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Posted in Gender

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