I remarked a while ago how sick I am of nostalgia. I’m as susceptible as anyone to bouts of it I’m just fed up with it’s omnipresence and the dearth of quality we’ve hit. Doorstops, phone cords, and elementary school projectors? We used up all the good nostalgia a long time ago, so long ago I’m nostalgic for it. And some things are better left in the rosy haze of the past. I’ve watched every episode of The Teenage Mutant Turtles and they are all terrible. Every episode of the ten seasons is terrible. The rest of this blog will be about my undying erotic love for Adolf Hitler and all I’ll take shit for is objectively rating a 22 minute toy commercial from two decades ago. Meanwhile the still-amazing Buck O’hare only gets 13 episodes and no movie, where is the justice?
Anyway this post isn’t (supposed to be) about nostalgia. It’s the phenomenon of ‘Now I feel old’ memes I’m dubbing Oldstalgia. As hundreds of childhood movies hit anniversaries, fictional characters ages are calculated, musical idols pass their prime, and (wow!) new classes keep entering high school long after we’ve graduated. As my generation stares down the barrel of thirty (which is not the new twenty, go fuck yourself) my peers are perpetually surprised those moments we were told wouldn’t last forever didn’t last forever. When we can’t feel young with excessive nostalgia anymore what do we do? Talk about how old we feel. Oldstalgia. The opposite of young is old so that’s what we must be. And even when we’re feeling so old we do it by living in the goddamn past.
Maybe, just maybe, we’re still in the first third of an average lifespan and we should aim higher for the next sixty years than counting how long it’s been since Doug went off the air?