Some Anti Advice

Image I read advice and self-improvement things all the time, I’m addicted to self-improvement. 7 ways to make the most of your morning? Click. 8 foods you should stop eating if you want to have more energy? Click. So naturally I wind up reading a lot of dumb, simplistic bullshit. I read a list titled ways to be a more compelling artist… number 3 was be compelling. Thanks. And the format is always the same, number – cliche in bold – paragraph explaining cliche using more cliches. And we all skip those paragraphs don’t we? We know what Don’t Give Up means. So here’s my anti advice column and we’ll start right there.

1 Give the fuck up sometimes

Think about all the shit you’ve given up on in your life, probably all of it needed to be given up on. I tried for elementary school basketball and sucked so bad everyone made fun of me, even the coach. But did I quit, did I give up and run away like a bitch? Yep sure did. I learned that school sports are for asshole and I gave the fuck up and asked for a guitar for as my Christmas and birthday present. Inspirational bullshitters always like to point out great writers, like Dr Suess for example, who got four hundred twelve rejection letters before making it and living their dream. Just remember kids, for everyone one of them there are 75 million writers who got four hundred thirteen rejection letters and died as janitors. And remember to give up on people. Give up on people all day and night they’re just a bunch of time-thieves.

2 Supportive people are useless jerks

I learned this in a rather hard way. At a time when music was going nowhere for me I said to friends and family I should give up and go to school, take a late start at building a normal life and put away childish dreams of a satisfying creative life. And they all said yes, go for it, do that. I was baffled and offended. I sucked so much that I should quit and everybody knew it and just didn’t tell me until now? Ouch. Then when I picked myself up and got my head back in the game and triumphantly said I’d do music til I die even if it kills me they all said yes, go for it, do that. Completely oblivious. And I realized that they weren’t telling me that I sucked before, they don’t even care if I suck, they’re just supportive. Of anything. Which is useless. And condescending.

3 Loyalty is for cowards and your friends are toxic idiots

Disclaimer: Do not commit adultery. What I mean is this; if your friends are junkies they don’t want you getting clean and if your friends are losers they’ll mock you and try to make you feel shit for not wanting to be a loser. People often claim loyalty to a friend or job or even a relationship (don’t commit adultery) because they’re scared of trying for something better. If something deserves your affiliation you won’t feel any compulsion to loyalty, it’s only when you should probably leave something behind that the false nobility of loyalty comes up. But don’t commit adultery. Break up with them first.


Singer/songwriter, jerk.

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Posted in Pragmatism

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