It’s strange how we equate malice and honesty these days. By that I mean we’re expected to sugar coat things we say and if we don’t it’s rude. If someone says “Do you like my haircut?” and you say “No.” honestly, you seem like a jerk. It’s expected of us to lie, hint, go through elaboerate word play, etc just to get out of the situation. It’s because that person was looking for a glimmer of approval and the honest speaker is seen as withholding that.
Frankly it gets exhausting. Especially when there’s work to be done. Taking the time to say you know they tried and apprieciate that, and they’re still learning, and here’s how we can both do better next… meanwhile the server room is on fire. In bands it’s worse because people in bands tend to lean to the sensitive side anyway and the argument of ‘there’s no right answer in art’ has been dealt with. but the fact is a person’s feelings won’t be unhurt by a proxy argument about scales which just wastes even more time.
Then we come down to the worst time wasters of all. So far I’ve been talking about people you like but is there anything worse than the amount of time wasted dealing with someone you actually don’t like? And what’s weird is most people are actually much more polite when talking to someone they dislike. Guards are up and words are chosen more carefully. And maybe that’s the root cause of the issue, if we’re so nice to people we don’t like – saying we like their haircuts because it’s the quickest way to get them to leave – then we must really hate someone we would dare tell the truth to.