Love Actually

I have a lot of people tell me they envy Simone and I’s relationship. Single and non-singles alike. They look for some quality in her that they can find in a partner and they baffle at how a cynic like I can “hold that down”. And I’ve tried hundreds of times to explain it so it’s best I put it in writing finally. For me, the secret of Simone and I’s relationship is Homer Simpson.

In the episode when Homer explains Maggie’s birth and why there are no picture of her. At the end Homer is working a job he hates, happily, with a sign that says “Do It For Her”

Some take that to mean that the way Homer feels, making a sacrifice for his daughter, is joy enough to carry him through the struggle. And those people are assholes. Sorry. Those people want Homer to find his own happiness in sacrificing his happiness for someone else’s. And that’s not what love really is.

What love actually is, and how you can take that episode, is that love is when someone else’s happiness becomes your happiness. When you love someone you don’t make sacrifices that you expect to pay off in the future, you make sure people you care about are treated the way they deserve. Period.

Simone and I don’t fight, never have. I know that makes no sense to some people but it’s true. And it’s because times when I’ve been mad I think “How do I want her boyfriend to treat her right now?” and I go with that. I always treat her the way someone amazing, patient, graceful, and sweet, deserves to be treated.

I am not nice. Everyone knows that about me. I don’t have a personality of my own, I am cold, robotic, and distant. The personality you know of me is the personality you bring out in me. I am a mirror, always. And mirrors are unflinchingly honest. Mirrors also want nothing, they expect zero reciprocation, they simply are.

When Homer keeps Maggie in mind while working his dead end job it’s not because it will pay off for him someday, he’s not investing in her, he’s not rescuing her, he’s making the world a better place. Period.

That’s why Simone and I’s relationship seems great to the outside observer. Because I am part of the story of her life, and I aspire to be a good part.

I am not the story of my life, I am the good I do for others.


Singer/songwriter, jerk.

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