the day Fitzy accused me of sexual assault

This is one of those things that will float around the scene, growing and shifting as rumors and half-truths always do so to preempt that I’ll be as factual as possible here so everyone knows what’s up and I don’t have to tell the same story ever time I go to a show.

I got a call from Fitzy last Tuesday. He said;

“Someone told me you made inappropriate contact with Carla last night and I’m upset.”

Nothing came to mind but the comment was so vague so I said:

“Can you give me more details?”

He told me apparently I hugged Carla from behind and touched her breast.

I didn’t remember anything like that happening so I asked if Carla had said anything.

Fitzy said he hadn’t talked to her and wanted to give me the chance to apologize to him first.

He and I have had an amazing friendship in the few years since we met and we really had a great time on Monday, I felt closer to him than ever. That he would think I’d sleazily cop a feel off a young woman under any circumstance shocked and saddened me. And that he thought that rather than check with her if it had happened or if she was upset he thought the best thing to do was to give me a chance to apologize to her boyfriend. He cared more about me touching something that he apparently believes belongs to him than he did about whether or not Carla was hurt or upset. I felt disgusted and told him I had no intention of apologizing for something that didn’t happen and the fact that he’s upset is his problem not mine.

We hung up.

I called Carla to ask if maybe I had hugged her from behind and maybe totally inadvertently and unknowingly touched her chest. She said no, it never happened. She said that her and I were totally fine and asked me to be patient with Fitzy.

And that’s a pragmatic idea. We all know Fitz has a lot of emotional outbursts that come and go. And it’s worth mentioning that he’s done a lot for me in the course of our friendship, he’s given me a million rides home and he even paid my bar tab monday night. So quietly sitting on this grievous insult was the best course of action but I can’t help but feel that makes his problems my problems again. I shouldn’t have to run damage control and handle the blow back when I haven’t done anything wrong, that just condones and encourages his behaviour.

Plus there were so many other people who feelings I had to take into consideration. Carla’s my friend and bandmate, Nevertime High felt like family to me and I wanted to keep supporting them, and the Caught Off Guard reunion show was in the works.

So for the last week I was letting it slide off my back. I talked to Carla a lot, always with the focus of how to help Fitzy. Miles, the Dickens bartender, apologized to me, said he was drunk and stupid when he thought he saw something and told Fitzy. I accepted it and didn’t mention all of the fallout. I went to Caught Off Guard practice and kept the mood fun, I’ve been gracious and non-confrontational and tried to stay optimistic even when I heard Fitzy wanted to fight me at the Night Owl last Saturday.

I thought that if I didn’t take the mentality that sides were being taken then sides wouldn’t be taken but I was wrong. I just got kicked out of the Caught Off Guard reunion.

It’s so hard to internalize that one night he was crying on my shoulder about how much he loved me and the next night he got mad that I wasn’t polite enough when he accused me of groping his girlfriend, and now he’s doing things deliberately to hurt me.

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Singer/songwriter, jerk.

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One comment on “the day Fitzy accused me of sexual assault
  1. […] The next day was Monday and I talked about it with Fitzy at Vern’s. We cried, we laughed, which was not unusual for us anyway but I felt a lot better. In a tight, well written plot twist though that was the night Miles thought there was something up between Carla and I. The fall out of that I’ve already written about. […]

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