Blessed

I drank basically every night this week. Normally I’d be worried that I’m a drunk and accomplishing nothing but it’s been an amazing week.

My barma is off balance because I got a shit ton of drinks bought for me this week. Seriously most of the staff I like bought me a drink this week. I feel loved, I feel a sense of belonging, and I don’t want to exploit or squander that. Roman philosopher Tacitus said that often gratitude is a burden and I won’t let that happen to me. I’m grateful that I have so many people to be grateful to.

So I’ve had a great week of hanging out. Red and I are a lot closer, Tish and I are a lot closer, Alyssa is still my favorite because she can mouth-catch any hashbrown I throw at her. And yet I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that Bob and my beloved Mikey are both gone. Such is life, people come ago and that’s part of makes good times precious.

But I’d be burying the lead if I didn’t talk about the fact that chef Dan bought Simone and I tickets to Frank Turner. I haven’t been stunned with joy in probably a decade but I really was this time, I checked myself to see if I was dreaming a few times.

We were just talking about the weekend and I said Simone and I probably couldn’t afford to go the show. Dan just walked into the office and came back with a printed confirmation from ticket master. It just happened. He didn’t offer to buy them, or say anything, he just did it.

I can’t think of anything else that compares, I’d say it’s the nicest thing anyone’s done for me. And I didn’t gush about it at the time, I’m still quite the stoic, but I really was moved by it.

It’s been an amazing week and it’s partly because I let myself off the hook and stopped putting pressure on every moment to be productive. I let myself have fun, guilt free. Like I said normally I hate myself so much for being recreational that it ruins my ability to recreate. But this time I just let it go and basked in the friendship and camaraderie I’ve built up. By being funny and insightful among my peers and by being a valuable and dedicated part of the kitchen.

Life is grand right now and I am embracing it, savoring it, and trying not to keep perspective so I can just let myself be happy.

I spent all week working on convincing myself it’s okay to not see frank this time and  blaming myself for drinking too much because that could have been money for tickets. And then my love of my job paid off in such an unexpected and disproportionately great way.

It feels good to see the results of all my effort. I’ve been trying to figure out how to be happy for so long, truly satisfied, it’s good to plateau for a bit and bask in what I’ve done so far.

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Singer/songwriter, jerk.

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