A big part of my personality is that I don’t let things happen to me. I strongly believe in my own agency.
Our cultural norm right now is that we are all totally in control of our own lives and we just have to keep the right state of mind then everything will work out.
Which isn’t true. We can’t control what happens to us, we can control how we react. That’s a truism that is, for lack of a better word, true. But to not react seems internally and externally like weakness these days.
I read a blog by a woman who had been cheated on. She didn’t want to leave her partner but also didn’t want to look weak by staying.
It’s not noble to ignore or rationalize the shitty behavior of others, for sure, but it’s also exhausting thinking we have to react – to be in control – of every shitty event someone else started.
There’s another truism I think about a lot, if you want to know the right thing to do look for the most difficult.
I lived that way for a long time and I burned bridges left and write thinking I must be doing the right thing because accepting, comprising, rationalizing, were the easy way out.
So here I am on the verge of having alienated everyone I’ve known, it’s been difficult sure, but was it all just vanity?