I’ve written frequently about this and I think I have a new insight.
According to cynical women guys think of them as a vending machine where they put enough nice in and sex comes out.
In the past I’ve expressed empathy for nice guys because I know nice guys aren’t after sex, they’re after acceptance.
However, that creepy nice guy anger we’ve all seen is not something I empathize with because I don’t get it. It’s never felt unfair to me when someone doesn’t like me. Probably because I have depressive low self esteem and it makes perfect sense to me for someone else to not like me, and because I dislike so many people who are basically nice that I don’t fault anyone for not liking anyone else.
(Except Bob, anyone who didn’t like Bob would obviously be such a cunt I’d immolate them.)
What lead me to a new way of thinking was when I said to someone “don’t be nice, be interesting” and I realized that nice guys think that they haven’t done anything wrong, they feel they’ve obeyed the rules and are supposed to be rewarded. They think of women as a test and the absence of mistakes should be a pass.
That’s why nice guys are so fucking boring, they’re just trying to keep their head down and not fuck up til the “prize” comes to them. That’s why they get angry when the person they have their eye on keeps falling for douche bags. They waited out whatever other guys they thought were on the field and then those guys were just replaced with new guys, that’s why nice guys get the sysiphian frustration and become bitchy.
So what’s the tragic lesson here? When you look back at your time with someone that ended without you getting the acceptance you want and wonder what you did wrong? Nothing, they just didn’t like you. You didn’t get them to like you, you tried so hard to get them to not not-like you that you were background.
When someone likes a person they will overlook tons of flaws and red flags. People of both genders have been there.
So I say don’t be nice, be interesting. Instead of thinking of yourself as the perfectly well rounded protagonist be one of the catchy quirky flamboyant side characters that people actually like. I know this is a merciless example but think about Jim Belushi in animal house. He’s in 8 scenes, he’s a comic relief side character and now that movie is a classic tied to his name and no one knows who the protagonist is.
And don’t be afraid to be hated. Hated. To drive people nuts. Because if you’re that person that everyone either loves or hates then the someones that love you will actually love you. And everyone is talking about you.
Never blend. There’s no nobility in anonymity.