I can feel the depressive thoughts around the periphery of my mind when I’m at work. Things are in a new chapter bit still up in the air. Nothing is wrong yet except the vibe that somethings wrong and yet I sense myself shutting down, feeling preemptively defeated if I’m about to help a situation, feeling like a pariah.
My depression manifests as a feeling that things are going to get worse, this ties back to what I was saying about people telling me to wait and that things will get better – everything inside me tells me things only get worse forever and I’ll never feel secure again.
So feeling uneasy about work leads to feeling uneasy about my (lack of a) living situation and then I think it’s all pointless anyway and everyone hates me and blah blah blah bridge is that way.
But my mantra right now is don’t sabotage with indifference so I’m stopping myself from keeping my head too far down.