Josanna made a comment after she first met Olivia that it was a good fit, her working in the death business, because I need someone who comfortable with the amount I talk about death and dying. I hadn’t thought about that and I agreed.
I’m an artist, a philosopher, and also a depressive. I think and talk about death, about funerals, about lack of meaning, all the time. When I’m up, when I’m down. I enjoy it, it’s a philosophically and emotionally rich topic.
For history’s sake I’ll put this in the past tense: I wrote a status asking what songs people would play or like played at my funeral. And I cringed when I did it because I knew people (I wagered three and I was right) would miss the point and “express concern” simply because the context of the question had the funeral in it.
I’d like to be able to say I appreciate the concern except that isn’t remotely true. I resent people understanding me, and understanding what invitations for help look like, so poorly.
Last time I was suicidal I mentioned it in every conversation. My commitment to honesty never wavered.
And I resent feeling like my language is being policed. Like I can’t talk about my favourite subject in any context without being punished with well intentioned misguided “concern”.
So yes, Livy is good for me. Her and I daydream all the time about my funeral, so much so that we’re planning a funeral themed birthday party so I actually get enjoy it.