Depth of love as social compensation

I notice that people with truly shit cars love them, name them, imagine a relationship with it effected by affection.

And people who can afford new cars don’t.

I don’t think that wealthy people are inherently flippant, I think rather that poor people compensate their feeling of missing out by convincing themselves they feel more.
As I wrote in a previous post; we all might fall for the myth that rich families are closed off from one another and poor, dysfunctional families are where love truly flourishes but that’s nonsense. Violence and addiction in families track pretty well along socio-economic lines. What matters in this post is not the myth itself but it’s unending appeal.

When people have no choice in a matter the mind convinces itself that things have turned out for the best. Dan Gilbert is studying the phenomenon he calls the Psychological Immune System.

And where this rationalization really goes wrong is in relationships. People who feel they don’t have options, who are scared of losing what they have because they can’t imagine something else, convince themselves desperately that they love the person they’re with despite one or both of them being unhappy. In any relationship, not just romantic ones. I’ve seen so many friendship groups where one person is problematic and their behaviour is excused for years with no stronger rationalization than “she’s just like that, that’s just her.”

The strange thing is that we’re all told by socialization that we’re bad people if we think we deserve anything and we all hate someone who thinks they are better than others. This leads to the common situation where everyone else can see a couple needs to break up or one person is toxic to a group yet the individuals involved won’t admit it.

Until 130 odd days after the inevitable catastrophe when they wonder why they wasted so much time with that person, or at that job, or in that shitty apartment, or whatever.

Life comes in chapters and I have respect for those who will admit they are in an unhappy one rather than those who insist on convincing themselves by convincing others there’s unique, unseeable value in the situation they feel stuck in.


Singer/songwriter, jerk.

Posted in Pop Culture, Pragmatism
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