I’ve Been Slipping

Confession time, I didn’t hold the line last week.

Smallest things first there was a bunch of soda at work, I ate a bunch of fried food because I told myself I was overtraining (because it’s race week, more in a minute) but really it’s that I was exhausted and didn’t feel like having will power.

Anyway, as I’ve said in person before, thank god for race week. It’s easy to eat a little bit of garbage then decide it’s a week off and it’s fine because you’ll just get on-lock again next week. And you know how that goes.

But the race don’t move, the race can’t always be next week eventually it really is this week and diet (and everything health) isn’t about being good for goodness sake it’s a palpable fear that everything is going to positively or negatively effect your minutes.

So I’m super on-lock, Mr perfect paleo, even giving up caffeine til after the race on Saturday.

My work outs were all over the place because it’s the last week of training before the rest week that is race week. I still played great squash Saturday so I’m not injured or truly over-trained but the structure of work outs kept falling apart from fatigue and fear of injury so I don’t feel great about the week.

The biggest slip though was my first paycheck. I got that first paycheck and it was easily big enough to cover all the bills and plenty extra so I reveled in being able to order a drink without looking at Olivia first, go to the book store, see a squash racket that looked good and not have to tell myself that mine were fine, and sure enough all the money was gone. Zero progress on the money front, strike out first at-bat of the year.

I have 20 paychecks to sort out my financial life in a school year and I pissed away one of them completely. 19 left.

I’m sure it’ll settle down and it was just the relief of having money again after being unable to even buy a coffee for 6 weeks. I just wanted to out myself, give my sense of persona a little hit. Tell myself it matters and I shouldn’t just put it out of my mind.

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Singer/songwriter, jerk.

Posted in Depression & Suicide, fitness, Pragmatism
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