Blog Archives

Alcohol and Dopamine

A while ago I said to someone that part of the reason I drank was so that I know how I feel. I spend a lot of mental energy talking myself out of very simple things. I think of something

Posted in Depression & Suicide, sobriety

Sobriety Day 80

So I’ve been down with a cold this week and it gave me an epiphany – as feeling like shit often sometimes does. The epiphany was that I hadn’t felt like shit at all this year. Not once had I

Posted in sobriety

Sobriety Day 61

Officially now the longest period of sobriety of my adult life. 29 days to go. Last night I was reminded of the reason for social drinking, the external reason to drink rather than the internal. I spent an hour drinking

Posted in sobriety


I’m really good at relaxing, I’m really good at celebrating, and I’m really good at a kind of celebratory relaxation. If I’ve done enough to feel I’ve earned. If my internal grade for a day is in the 90%s I

Posted in Depression & Suicide, sobriety

Sobriety Day 46

I haven’t been writing about sobriety this year because there’s just so little to say. In other years drinking and sobriety were linked to my depression or big changes in my life and myself and this year everything went it

Posted in Depression & Suicide, sobriety

The Perfectionism Of Drunks

In my drinking years I thought the only way to get better was to stop drinking entirely forever. And since I wasn’t willing/able to do that I automatically continued drinking entirely forever. I heard it from other blossoming young drunks

Posted in Pragmatism, sobriety

Sobriety Saturdays

Day 19 of sobriety. At the end of week 2 I had the anticipated feeling that everything was going great, this is super easy, and I should celebrate. The celebration trap usually gets people at the two-week mark. You feel

Posted in sobriety