I’ve talked about strategy vs goals before but I want to add a little bit and put it in a different context.
For one I want to throw out the phrase you don’t want a drill, you want a hole because I read it yesterday and it summarizes things pretty well. Getting a drill is the strategy, while ending up with a hole (for whatever reason you wanted a hole) is the goal. Although I can’t imagine that hole was the end goal.
You know, now I don’t like this saying, it’s too Dr. Seuss.
Anyway, I was looking at books yesterday and I didn’t get anything on money or business or success. Which is the area I really should be reading, it’s where I feel the most held back, but I just find it annoying. Now I don’t know if I sincerely don’t like the genre or if I’m being defensive and merely don’t want to feel scolded.
But I think what frustrates me is there’s a lot of goal and no strategy. I was looking at the DK book on the psychology of success and it said in bullet point you have to forgive yourself. Period. Self forgiveness equals good. And I’m like thanks, I know what the goal is – forgiveness – I’m looking for the strategy. You’re acting like it’s just said and done.
They touched on a study I heard about before where people with low self-esteem reacted worse than before when taught to repeat positive mantras (unlike the esteem healthy who get a measurable boost) because they feel like they’re lying and it’s a reminder of how they don’t stack up, rather than a reminder that they do. But again, that’s all they said. They said to make sure you’re mantra is specific but I still feel like they didn’t get to the heart of the issue.
So much advice in the field is just be perfect. I already feel like there’s immense pressure to pretend to be happy, if you don’t fake it til you make it on the happiness scale you’re a nobody and you’re not even trying.
And I hate the phrase fake it til you make it, it’s just totally abused and people use it to just justify lying to feel popular. I’d rather skip the first step, not fake it at all, and just make it. Whatever it is I’m willing to be seen making it, I don’t need to pretend it’s already done and I’m already great. I think the true spirit of punk rock is honesty and I’m willing – in fact I’m proud – to be totally honest about where I am in the process of making it.
In fact, exploring process is my favourite part of almost anything. Rather than read a completed novel I’d love to read and discuss someone’s uncompleted work.
But with forgivenesss, self-forgiveness, and happiness I don’t know how to do the work. I don’t how to make whatever it is. I know what faking it would look like and I know I don’t want to do that, though.